Day to day
my mood changes
like the tide.
I am myself
and yet not.

I bloom when I am with him.

Alone, an entirely empty thing.
Fighting against myself
to feel whole for an hour.
I medicate with mindless tv,
distract with books,
a practice I have followed since childhood.
I dread the next day
and leaving the house is a wrench.
When he is home,
There is light
In all the dark spaces of myself.
I breathe easy.

And yet I fear dependence,
Fear solitude,    
Fear fear.

I cling to him
and weep
for my strength.