An update to my absence

Hello my fellow bloggers & bloggees! It’s been a while :)

My absence has not been for naught. After NaPoWriMo I had essays & exams to battle with (& I’m happy to report all went well!), I have also been getting more hours at work & my piece de resistance, I have been planning my summer inter-railing trip.

Happily, I have also been writing. Something is taking loose shape on paper & word documents, – & frankly, the odd beermat! – & so far I am definitely somewhat satisfied with it. From my inner critic, that is high praise indeed, so I am labouring on with it!

Back to the details – in a week I will my jetting off on what we are fondly referring to as “my inter-railing adventure”. I will be hitting several European cities over 3 weeks, & enjoying museum tours, art galleries & architectural marvels along the way. This is my dream trip, the culmination of several years of wistful planning & finding the determination to finally do it. I am beyond excited. So those of you who keep up with me can forgive me for posts becoming about travel, art & museums for a while. :)

On the trip, I am planning to write. I have notebooks & pens aplenty – more than clothes if I can be honest! – & a slightly formless idea of what I’m going to do with it. For those three weeks, the plan is to just write write write, & edit, chop & paste when I’m home, seeing if anything I’ve created is worth what it’s written on. You’ll know what I mean, my fellow writers, when I say that I have an idea based simply on a word & a feeling, & a thought that it can be turned to something tangible. Time will tell, & we will see. :)

Friends, I look forward to sharing the summer with you. I will be in touch soon.

NaPoWriMo day 30

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The last day of NaPoWriMo…I am so proud to say that I made it, 30 poems in 30 days. I am actually proud as punch of myself because I wasn’t sure if I would make it! But I did eventually, and I’m so glad I participated.

It’s strange, but doing this challenge did not feel like a chore, or a way of forcing myself to write. Rather, it felt like setting my creative mind free, giving it reign to do what felt right for a month. It was a way of thinking in poetry, of watching out for moments that inspired something in me, and then scrambling for phone or paper to write it down to decipher later. This was a most enjoyable challenge, and if you are thinking of participating next year, go for it. Poet or not, it gives your imagination a free road for once, something I doubt very many of us do past the age of ten.

It has inspired me somewhat, to write more, to give myself more freedom, to stop restricting the daydreaming lover of words that exists in me. I hope that through this, I will be sharing more poetry and short stories with you before NaPoWriMo 2015. I would love to say that my last poem this year is a poignant and fabulous piece, but it’s the same old, I’m afraid.

It’s been emotional, folks. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. And now to my last NaPoWriMo 2014 contribution.

NaPoWriMo day 30

Dusk sinks into dark and brings with it
the soft patter of rain.
The death of the month is silent and swift
as always.
Looking closely, birds can be seen
settling in their nests for the night,
ready for the morning’s chorus.
The creatures of the dark stir and stretch
in the shadows, avoiding the rain as they can.
Moths replace butterflies,
cats flit from wall to bush,
glad of their mastery at seeing in the gloom.
The night closes around us like a blanket,
gets comfortable, arranges it’s velvet cloak
to watch until the dawn.
Silence creeps in, and sleep takes those of us
not nocturnal.
Peace holds the land,
for now. So sleep, sleep to dream.
And dream of May.

NaPoWriMo day 29

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I wake with a start,

sweat clinging to my face and neck,

eyes wide against the darkness,

trying to remember what I dreamt.

This is a nightly occurance,

blinking in the dark with the webs

of my dreams clinging to my skin.

I dream of loss, of reaching

but falling short of my heart’s desire.

I dream of lonliness, the one thing I fear

above all else.

But there are times when I dream of hope,

a thing so delicate, it has the wings of a moth.

It lights on my skin and whispers to me

in dreams.

And I wake, trying to catch it in clumsy hands

that are not made to hold suuch fragile things.

I wake with loss on my lips,

the memory of distant dreams.

NaPoWriMo day 28

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Sometimes it’s best to feign strength, have others

compliment you on being the Strong One,

holding the title while your heart silently breaks

behind lying eyes.

The ultimate coping mechanism of pretending that you

have the strength to make it through the tough and

turbulant times.

If only they knew,

that behind it all, pieces of you stretch tight and strain

against paper stitches, begging to fall apart,

begging to let go, just once.

There is danger in ripping those stitches,

fear behind the fresh wounds.

The facade of being a lioness, head up

against the world, waiting for what comes next.

Inside, you are a mouse in paper-mache clothes

hoping no-one asks to see the lion,

clinging to the title with tooth and fingernail.

However,

the lion is the lie that you have learned to live

and not one that can easily be cast aside.

Inside you beats the heart of a mouse,

but that mouse believes he is a lion

and so, you are always the Strong One.

NaPoWriMo day 27

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Dawn belongs to the birds,

at the moment the sky lightens with the first rays

they are up, and busy.

While the rest of us sleep, make coffee, or yawn ourselves awake

the birds have been singing,

announcing to us that there is another day.

Rejoice, for the world is seeing the sun once more,

the eternal war between light and dark is settled

for another day.

I hear the call and song of them from my bed,

and know without peeking from the curtains

that there are three varieties of bird

singing from the trees that line the garden.

They lull me back to sleep, and as I drift off

I think that the world does not belong to humans

as we think it does,

there are times that it belongs to others.

And dawn definitely belongs to the birds.

NaPoWriMo day 25 & 26

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Day 25:

Time weighs heavy on me at odd moments.
When I see my life stretch before and behind me
and feel, like some opressive cloud, that time
is linear,
that I will never be in that moment again,
and I have wasted it.
However,
is time well-spent balanced with time wasted?
Do we live on a sword-edge of ‘doing’ and ‘idling’?
Is balance key to happiness
in our linear life?
Irony in all it’s forms; only time will tell.
 

Day 26:

Despite my occasional peace with words;

times when I feel them flow from my fingertips

and form some verse that pleases me -

I find words themselves a mystery.

Double meanings;

alternative spellings;

silent letters;

they swirl around me in a confused haze

and I am stuck, spiked on some

meaningless nonsense of my own making

that whirls ’round my head, that I can neither

sense nor seperate.

English, as a language you can be as beautiful

and elegant as water, but

used unwisely,

examined too closely, you inspire confusion

and frustration.

I have changed my spinning mind -

I have no way with words.

Rather, they have their way with me!

NaPoWriMo day 24

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A promised freedom,

the proverbial carrot dangling in front of tired eyes.

An encouragement to ‘just keep going’ for a short time more,

and then freedom, we swear.

The cartoon line that became a life motto,

scrawled across my notebooks, telling me to

‘just keep swimming’, don’t give up.

Days come when it’s easy to carry on,

easy to dive into the books and exam prep,

but there are more days when it’s hard to manage.

Sunlight streams outside my window,

my seemingly dark studying room a horrible contrast,

and I tell myself to keep going, it’ll be over soon.

And then you can enjoy that promised carefree summer.

NaPoWriMo day 23

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There are times when I stop,

when the world rotates without me

and I am completely at a loss.

What comes next is a mystery,

a source of muted panic.

I gaze around me with eyes that have not seen before

and I wonder,

what comes after this,

when all is done and I have decisions to make.

Will I embrace change or shrink from it.

Will I enjoy life or trap myself.

Will I realise my dreams or tread on them

if my feet stray from my planned path.

What happens next.

NaPoWriMo day 22

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There was a time

when things that were important crumbled

around me, and sank to the sea.

There was a time

when those that I held close

turned away, and left me wanting.

There was a time

when I was solitary

and unhappy in it, craving comfort.

That time has passed from me.

Light now filters to my little palace

through waters clear and cool,

with no sign of the despair or tears

that had once clouded it.

I bask in the warmth of the sun,

in the knowing that I am loved, safe,

and that happiness is no further than a whisper from me.

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